In The Absence Of Reason
by psychodramabeautyfish
Summary: Kyouya muses on his relationship with Tamaki late at night. Fluff, hinted slash. Follows the anime festival storyline, but uses Tamaki's real name from the manga.


In The Absence of Reason

"Kyouya…? Are you awake…?"

Of course I am – how could I not be? My thoughts are chasing each other around my mind like an endless circus of sharp tricks.

"Yes."

He shifts against me, his blonde hair tickling my chest while he wriggles to get more comfortable. Once he's settled, I begin to stroke his hair lightly with my fingertips, one hand behind my head, staring up at Tamaki's bedroom ceiling.

"I'm sorry."

I'm so startled that I stop my caresses.

"For what?"

Tamaki sighs.

"For being such a bother." He tells me. "For causing so much aggravation."

I click my tongue.

"Don't be moronic." I chastise him. "Honey is more trouble than you, having too reign him in every three seconds as a new sugar rush kicks in."

He laughs lightly, but it fades quickly.

"No, don't apologise again." I say firmly, because I know he's about too.

He doesn't, instead he snuggles closer and wraps his arms around my stomach.

Tamaki baffles me. He messes around in my life like some demon of chaos, disrupting the systematic order and rigid rules of my existence. But there's attraction in that disruption, of course there is, or we wouldn't be lying together in his bed cuddling and kissing after midnight.

"I won't leave you again." He says quietly. "Any of you. I promise."

He's kissing me now, stroking my shoulder and holding on of my wrists above my head. This is something no one knows, and the host club think it's merely play, Tamaki being the 'dad' and me being the 'mom', but it isn't.

Tamaki gives me a chance to be the weak one when we're alone, and I don't have to prove anything to him like I do everyone else; I can relax and be me. I won't loose that, I won't.

I can hear my words to Haruhi this afternoon - was it really this afternoon just gone? It feels like worlds away…

"Bring him back to us Haruhi!"

Huh, yea, bring him back to **me**. Selfish to the last Kyouya Otori…

But that doesn't matter. Love is all about selfishness, about putting your own desires before anything else. How many people have said it? 'We're in love, nothing else matters', 'we'll have our love, nothing else matters', 'I don't care about anything else, I love you'

Tamaki spouts that crap all the time. Too many movies.

Love won't keep you alive, love won't buy you food, love won't give you somewhere too live, love won't stop a car hitting you at eighty miles per hour on the highway.

Scientists define love as a series of chemical reactions in your brain, that love is an after-effect of the instinct to pro-create. They say love is romantic nonsense, with no reasonable explanation, so there's the explanation they came up with. But if that's true, what do we feel this way? Pro-creation is not an option, so why are we attracted to each other?

Love might not be able to stop you becoming one more sad-road-accident-statistic, but it can make the most logical, intelligent people in the world act completely irrationally, including me.

"Oh Kouya…" He sighs, stroking my eyes.

Kouya… Such a stupid, female name. Another version of the 'mom' nickname he gave me that no one else has heard.

"Rene." I mumble in retort.

I can't say it right. It comes out of my mouth accented and strange, but I say it none-the-less. I'm the only one who calls him that now, since his mother vanished, even the Chairman calls him Tamaki. It fits in better – 'Rene' sticks out like a sore thumb.

He smiles against my neck – it's a comfort, having names for each other that no one else knows. That's why I'm here with him tonight; I couldn't leave him alone, not after today.

He pressed against me and his breath hitches.

"Kou-ya… please?"

"Again…?" I murmur, putting my arms up around his neck, pressing our foreheads together. We've done this twice already.

He smiles a second time, and my eyes slip closed as our lips meet.

And for once I don't know why. I don't know the answer. But the very fact that I don't know why we're kissing doesn't seem important. And suddenly I know that's what love is, the absence of reason, the lack of answers, diving headlong into the unknown.

Tamaki and Kyouya. Dad and Mom. Rene and Kouya. Does it really matter?


End file.
